5 Brutal Signs Someone Is Using You (And What to Do About It)
· Vice
There’s no worse feeling than being used by those closest to you. And sometimes, it’s difficult to pick up on the red flags. Wondering whether someone in your life is taking advantae of your kindness and support? According to a therapist, here are five signs someone might be using you.
Visit rouesnews.click for more information.
1. They Only Show Up When They Need Something
Whether it’s for money, favors, or mere validation, some people only reach out when they want something from you. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to tell when that’s the case, especially if you naturally see the good in people.
“How does it feel when they only call you when it is convenient for them or they need something?” asks Debra Feinberg, LCSW, Founder & Couples, Individual & Family Therapist at Maplewood Counseling. “Pay attention to how you feel, always.”
For example, do you feel obligated to help them? Stressed out by their request? Unsupported in return? These cues will help you learn who to trust.
2. Their Energy Is Inconsistent
According to Feinberg, someone who is using you might act “warm when they want something and cold when they don’t need you.” This energetic switchup is a key indication they don’t actually value you—just what you can do for them.
“What do you do if you feel the affection switches on and off? Is your gut telling you something is off?” Feinberg asks. “Are you feeling invisible and confused, and not sure how to handle things? These feelings are important, so please don’t push them aside.”
3. They Don’t Ask About Your Life
Someone who actually loves and cares about you will want to know what’s going on in your life. They’ll text or call to check in, offer support when you’re struggling, and plan meetups when you both have time.
But someone who is using you likely won’t express any interest in your life—unless it benefits them, of course. For example, they might congratulate you on that new job…only to then ask for a referral to your new manager. They might compliment your new dress…only to request to borrow it for an upcoming wedding. They might call you on a random Wednesday evening…only to dump their latest drama on you. And while these instances aren’t necessarily “bad” in isolation, they’re incredibly telling if they make up the majority of your interactions.
“[People who use you] don’t know much about your life,” Feinberg says. “They don’t ask you questions, or if they do ask how you are, are they paying attention and really listening, or is it perfunctory, ‘I better ask’?”
Trust yourself to know the difference.
4. You Feel Drained by Their Requests
When someone is using you, it’s common to feel drained, anxious, and simply uncared for in their presence. You might leave hangouts with a weight on your shoulders or a knot in your stomach, unable to pinpoint why, exactly, your energy is so depleted. This might stem from unmet needs or a fear of asking for more.
“When you feel drained after spending time with them or trying to get your own needs met, what is that like for you?” Feinberg asks. “Are you afraid to want or ask for more?”
5. You’re the Only One Giving
In a mutually supportive and caring relationships/friendship, you should feel equally supported by each other. No person should be expected to give more than they get. Sure, you might go through phases where you’re investing more or vice versa, whether due to stress, illness, or life circumstances. It won’t be 100% on both ends at all times. But overall, you both should feel able to rely on one another.
When someone is using you, you might notice you give them more of your time and attention than they give you. Maybe you pay for more dinners, go out of your way to do more favors, or show up for them in ways they never do for you.
“It never seems to be reciprocated, and then you end up feeling unimportant and neglected,” Feinberg points out. “Pay attention to how you feel and to your gut, and notice a pattern. Say what you need, and if you struggle to understand and assert your needs, therapy can give you space to explore what is best for YOU so you don’t feel used.”
The post 5 Brutal Signs Someone Is Using You (And What to Do About It) appeared first on vice.