The ‘September Theory’ Says Your Summer Fling Has an Expiration Date, and Experts Agree
· Vice
With September just around the corner, what better time than to jump into yet another monthly “dating theory”? (Thankfully, this one is a bit more practical than others.)
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The September Theory exists as a wake-up call to many casual daters or singles who have been enjoying summer fun beneath the sun. With this late summer, early autumn month approaching, more daters are gearing up for cuffing season and making more intentional dating decisions. No more “seeing where it goes” or “dating for the plot.” No, September asks for more grounded decisions.
Here’s what you can expect from the September Theory—especially when it comes to your love life.
What Is the September Theory in Dating?
As Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, told VICE, “The September Theory is basically when you know your relationship status by Labor Day. This is the time where you aren’t figuring it out if your summer fling is going to become more, but rather you KNOW if [it] is becoming something more.”
In other words, it’s like a pesky alarm alerting you that your time’s up—so what’s the verdict?
“It’s the idea that September is a make-or-break time for new relationships that started in the summer,” Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, TV Host and the Resident Sexpert at TLC’s 90 Day: The Last Resort and author of How Do You Like It? A Guide for Getting What You Want (in Bed), told us. “The rationale is that summer is a time when people are freer and more promiscuous (e.g., a vacation boyfriend/girlfriend or a summer fling), whereas fall is cuffing season when people return to their routines and start settling down with partners.”
Many people also think of September as a reset—a time to shift back into their lives with greater intention and groundedness.
“People are heading into cuffing season, and during this time when everyone is returning to their routine, their relationship status is usually single or in a relationship…less in between status,” Trombetti explains. “I think that different seasons mean different priorities for people. Usually as summer is ending, people are ready for a little more structure and routine, which includes their love life.”
How to Work With the September Theory
The September Theory is a great opportunity to reconnect with yourself, your values, and your dating goals. If you’re not feeling your current hookup/summer fling, now’s the time to cut things off and focus on yourself.
“Getting back into a routine is not a bad thing, and deciding what you want is never a bad idea when it comes to dating,” Trombetti says.
However, both Trombetti and Suwinyattichaiporn advise against committing just for the sake of it. With cuffing season just around the corner, it might be tempting to lock down a partner who will keep you warm all winter long, but that’s no reason to settle.
“Rather use the energy to really define what you want for yourself and in a partner,” Trombetti says. “That is when you can find a lasting relationship.”
“People can use September to recenter themselves and realign with their dating goals,” adds Suwinyattichaiporn. “Don’t force a relationship with a summer situationship if there’s only chemistry without compatibility.”
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